Monday, December 14, 2009

I love this Doctor

His practice has no room for new patients! Now, he's a medical wizard!

I love this Doctor

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise
can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that
it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speed
up heart not make live longer; that like say you can extend life of
car by driving faster. Want live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits
and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What
does cow eat? Hay and corn. What are these? Vegetables. So, steak
nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to
system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass
(green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can give 100% recommended daily
allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is
distilled wine. That means they take water out of fruity bit; get even
more of goodness that way. Beer also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: If you have body and you have fat, ratio is one
to one. If you have two bodies, ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of
participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Cannot think of single one, sorry. My
philosophy: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods fried in
vegetable oil. How getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a
little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it
get bigger. You should only do sit-ups if want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: You crazy? HELLO ... Cocoa beans! Vegetable!!!
Cocoa beans best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming good for figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any
misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.


For those of you who watch what you eat, here's
the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the
truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies:

1. The Japanese eat very little fat

And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat

And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine

And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4 The Italians drink a lot of red wine

And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots
of sausages and fats

And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is
apparently what kills you !

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